I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
