Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
