Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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