I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
