Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
