so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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