dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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