I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
