hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
