I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
