I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
