Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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