I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
