I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
