he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
