I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
