Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize