I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
