Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
