Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
