I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
