Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
