I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
