I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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