We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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