yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
