You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
