3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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