Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
