He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
