I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
