Soap is not a condiment
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
