i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
