I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
