Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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