i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
