I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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