Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize