I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
