We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
