This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
