I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
