you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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