she looked like the before picture.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
