I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
