Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
