One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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