She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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