I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
