Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
