My sheets look like a crime scene.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
