the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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