just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
