Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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