I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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