it was like his penis was on wheels.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
