it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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