Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
