You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
