so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
