dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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