woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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