that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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