You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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