watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize