why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
