"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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